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Conrad Parker

Text

This is a collection of stuff I've written. Enjoy :)

Vanishing Teeth

Hello, and welcome to 'The Magic of Everyday Illusions'. Today we'll be examining the phenomenon of vanishing teeth. Perhaps you've seen this trick performed by a travelling gypsy, a professional magician or the local barman. No matter what the setting, you've most certainly been stunned and amazed by this feat of conjuring. Read on ...

Bloodhead

Correct Bathroom Procedures

The Dinner Party Fuckwit

Elbows

Free Hardware

Goals

Hash Browns

Palsy Alligators

Pants off, it's summer!

Slippers

Tennis Racquet

Wishy Washy Mice

Drama

The Diary of Anne_Frank@hotmail.com

TIM SAYS NYM


Nonsense Verse

Carousel Worms

I caught the fun fair carousel
It didn't take me far
Just went around in circles
And left my stomach charred.

Read more nonsense ...


Whoever discovered cats would have been in for a rude shock and ripped glands.

ASCII art

Goldfish

Porcupines

Mudskippers

   _._._._._.__vvv
    / | | | | o^^^    Pirahna fillet.   
      | | | | 

Sole

brick

toast

beer

If you like ASCII tractors, and who doesn't, then check out Tractorgen: Tractorgen NOW!

I propose that we replace the world's TVs with vegetable plots. Not only will it protect our children from violence, but they'll learn by watching the vegetables growing for hours each day.

Read more radical insights ...

K.

Copyright © 1995-2010 Conrad Parker <conrad@vergenet.net>. Last modified Tue Feb 19 2002